As I mentioned in my recent post, “Meet the Kitten Who Pooped and Peed on My Crotch, Snarflebunz,” my next entry was going to consist of puns pertaining to the following picture from that story:
For those of you who didn’t read that one, in a nutshell, we picked up a kitten to take home to be our new family pet and on the way home, the kitten shat and pissed all over the crotch region of my khaki cargo shorts, which pissed me off and made my daughters scream and cry hysterically.
This photo is perfect for puns… One of my favorite things to do is attempt to come up with puns for various stories, pictures, etc. I don’t know why I don’t do it on this site more often…maybe I should…? For those of you who don’t know what a pun is, a pun is a humorous way of using a word or phrase so that more than one meaning is suggested. Fun shit (whoa, shit! A pun already?!)
Let’s get this started. I will try to come up with a list of 50 of them. Feel free to add your own via comment on the site and/or facebook.
I will bold the intended puns in case you become confused or don’t get the joke.
HERE ARE 50 NIFTY FUN PUNS PERTAINING TO THE PIC OF SNARFLEBUNZ:
1.) It appears as if this kitten got off to a shitty start with this family.
Number 2.) Due to not getting off on the right foot, I’m guessing that this kitten is in for a short stay with this family. (My shorts the cat pissed and pooped on).
3.) Evidently, this kitten’s philosophy when it comes to pissing and shitting is that when you have the urge to go potty in a car, go. (My cargo shorts).
4.) This cat puts the “pee” in poopy and all over the penis.
5.) It is debatable as to how feral this kitten is, but I think it is abundantly clear that this kitten is NOT feral, but MOST DEFINITELY fecal.
6.) I wonder what Snarflebunz snarfed down that made that shit come out of her buns??? My guess is franks and beans.
7.) And then Tweety Bird chimed in with:
He did, he did taw a poopy cat.
8.) Yuck. Just looking at that photo makes me want to hurl. (Hurley shirt).
9.) Man, talk about some shitty luck. (The lucky clover on my hat).
10.) A lot of puns are being written about this orange, crotch-poopin’ punana.
11.) And then Ugly Kid Joe and Harry Chapin chimed in by saying, “and the cat hit the cargo shorts with smelly poop. Little girl is blue cus the smell of the poo. When we getting home, Dad I don’t know when, but things should smell better then, yeah. We won’t be smothered with this poop smell, then!”
12.) As mentioned in in earlier story, “Grandma and Grandpa Earthquake Buns and Their Grandson, Big Fat Rico,” my grandma used to refer to poopies as “dogs.” Ironically enough, I remember watching the cartoon, “Cat-Dog” a lot when I’d hang out at her house.
13.) It appears as if Cat Stevens doesn’t have to worry about HIS pet cat shitting on HIS lap.
Well, Mr. Stevens, maybe someday you’ll find out that the first fudge is the seepiest. Baby, I know.
14.) Bung-hole-e shit, the guy in that pic looks PISSED!!!
15.) When I told Ace Ventura: Pet Detective that I thought this kitten was more suited for living outdoors, his reaction was:
16.) Have you heard about Chris Hansen’s new show? It’s called “Dateline: To Catch a Poopy-pants.”
17.) Wow…what a crappy ride home that must have been for that family.
18.) I’d say that the kitten took a (insert name of person I don’t like) on my crotch, but I don’t want to be too “catty.”
19.) The man in that photo is absolutely appalled and disgusted. He looks like he’s going to vomit. What a pussy.
20.) I hope Snarflebunz doesn’t read this and get her felines hurt as a result.
21.) When the poor girl in the photo smelled the awful stench of the cat poop, she was hysterical for hours, but eventually became catatonic.
22.) Poor guy. With his backwards cap, Hurley shirt and stiff-upper lip, it is obvious that this guy is trying to look like a cool cat. Unfortunately, it’s difficult to be a cat daddy when you literally have shitty shorts.
23.) This kitten obviously has issues with being incontinent. Maybe she needs a catheter to more efficiently control her urine output.
24.) I bet these people can’t wait to get home so they can be in a more desirable atmosphere of “cat and house” opposed to “cat and car…go shorts.”
25.) “Now my old johnson had troubles of his own, he had a yellow cat that wouldn’t leave him alone. He tried and he tried to keep that poopy away. The cat could always poop on him even from far away. And the cat came back, the very next day. The cat came back, they thought the johnson was a boner, but the cat came back, and pooped and pooped away.” (Johnson = wiener for those who didn’t catch it…plus, this is a spoof off the song, “the Cat Came Back”).
26.) Since the fecal matter of cats is known to be a frequent carrier of disease, I sure hope this family didn’t catch anything.
27.) Wow…this unfortunate event was a catastrophe.
28.) I am unsure how to categorize this post.
29.) I love that movie, “Catch Me if You Can” starring Leonardo Dicrapio.
30.) This cat’s intentions weren’t to make a mess on my shorts or to ensue foul smell-induced turmoil in my car. This cat was simply trying to cater for anchorman, Ron Bergundy.
“No! I will NOT eat this cat poop!!”
31.) And then Fergie, who ironically had just recently pissed in her own pants, chimed in and was like, “the smell of your cat’s shit lingers on me now” when I abruptly interrupted her by shouting, “shut up and get to the point!!!” And she responded with, “tell your daughter, it’s time to be a big girl now, and big girls don’t cry.”
32.) And then Frankie Valli rudely scrunched his way into our car and shouted at my daughter in his high-pitched voice:
“BIG GIRLS DON’T CRY! BIG GIRLS DON’T CRY!”
This was bad timing for him to do this, for I was still pissed and I defended my daughter by explaining to him, “look dude…her daddy’s frank was just pissed and shit on! Get out of the car and leave us alone, poopy-pants!!!” I thought it was a pretty shitty thing for him to do. I was pissed at him.
33.) I bet my readers who hate me are staring at their laptops and thinking to themselves, “man, this Rico guy never fails to be poopid as shit.”
34.) Wow, this is crazy. The shape of the individual turds are eerily similar to the shape of caterpillars. Ironically enough, one could argue that the outline of the turds and piss together shows a vague resemblance to a butterfly.
35.) The little girl’s hysterical screams were so loud, it was deafecating to the ears.
36.) Compiling 50 of this has proven itself to be kind of a crappy doody. Seriously, I thought I’d think of all 50 of these in a much shorter amount of time than this.
37.) (Baseball Announcer’s Voice): And the feline hurler, Snarflebunz catches the ball from the catcher and steps back on the mound for pitch number 2 with a count of 1-0. She delivers and it’s in the dirt for ball 2 to Albert Poo-holes. The catcher gets a new ball, for the one he just threw is now soiled. 2 balls, no strikes. And the pitch…and Poo-holes hits a slow roller to the shortstop and the ball goes between his legs!!! Poo-holes was lucky to get a stick on that breaking ball, but as a result of the shortstop’s accident, he managed to hustle his way to base number 2.
38.) I wonder what kind of experiments could be conducted with that fecal matter and a Bunsen burner…?
39.) When Cathy, from the comic strip, “Cathy” heard about this happening, her reaction was:
40.) Cathy’s response to this shit-storm of a story ironically made me think of another cartoon:
41.) I haven’t read, “The Catcher in the Rye,” but I’ve heard that the content tends to be too dependent on shock value by using too many cuss words, like shit, piss, ass, etc.
42.) When the character of “Buns” from the movie, Booty Call heard this story, his reaction to it was:
43.) These puns are the epitome of poop humor.
44.) When Paul Bunyon heard about this, he tried to console Snarflebunz by saying, “don’t worry, Snarflebunz. In my days, I’ve had a lot of accidents myself with the logs I’ve cut.”
45.) The vehicle we were riding in was a 2002 Ford Tore-Ass. That car is my shit-mobile.
46.) (Baseball Announcer’s Voice): And the number two batter comes up and put his stick on the ball and bunts.
47.) My daughter who is shown crying in the photo, is named “Kaiya,” pronounced “Kye-uhh.” However, by the looks of the picture, it appears that we should have named her “Craiya,” pronounced “Cry-uhhh.”
48.) If I have offended any of you, I swear it was punintentional.
* NOTE: If I were to conclude this list with anything, but a reference to my dad and the mullet man, this article would instantly become more shitty.
49.) When Papa Swaff caught wind of this story, his reaction was:
“You have got to be shitting me.”
Ironically, this was word for word, the same reaction he had when I tricked him into watching the 2 Girls 1 Cup video, which you can watch by clicking here.
50.) When I told that hideous and disgustingly perverted mullet-man, Rick about what happened, he misunderstood the story and his reaction was:
“You cat-daddy! You mean to tell me that you got some pussy AND she shat on the crotch of your shorts?! That’s some ’2 Girls 1 Cup’ type of shit!!! What a catch!!! Where do you find these women?!?! I bet it was a wet-shorts dream come true! Rico, you are the coolest cat EVAR!!! Btw, can I have those shorts? You know how I love me some smelly, poop-soiled shorts!”
It’s quite obvious that Rick along with having comprehension issues also has some absurd fetishes.