404 My Daughter Hasn’t Arrived Yet, but I Already Proclaim Myself as the World’s Dumbest Dad | The Chronicles of Rico
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My Daughter Hasn’t Arrived Yet, but I Already Proclaim Myself as the World’s Dumbest Dad

So last night I went to Goodwill in an attempt to check out their book, CD and DVD selection. There wasn’t anything that caught my eye so I began to stroll out of the store 10 minutes after entering. As I was walking out, I noticed a Kansas City Chiefs outfit that would fit a baby. For those of you who haven’t read previous entries, I am expecting a daughter in a month or two. I also happen to be a huge Kansas City Chiefs fan.
 I inattentively grabbed the little outfit and headed towards the checkout line to purchase it. As the Goodwill clerk was ringing me up, I asked her, “hey, would this look good on a little girl?” Her response was, “oh yeah, without a problem.”
I came home and was excited to show my girlfriend the contribution I made to the continuously accumulating baby outfits we have. I was simultaneously hesitant because my girlfriend is a hardcore Pittsburgh Steelers fan who has aspirations of teaching my daughter, Kaiya to be a Steeler fan as well.
When I showed my girlfriend the outfit, she immediately gave me an angry expression which I perceived as, “ok Josh, first outfit you buy for the baby is a Kansas City Chiefs outfit? You just wait until I start buying her Steelers apparel!”
Before she could say anything, I assertively stated my case by saying, “look I know you want her to be a Steelers fan, but her daddy is a huge Kansas City Chiefs fan, and I think she has the right to decide whether she wants to root for the Steelers or Chiefs! Heck, maybe she will grow up liking both teams!” I handed Krystal the outfit so she could take a look at it.


Krystal then began laughing hysterically. I thought to myself, “This went much better than I speculated.” Krystal stopped laughing and said, “you are SUCH a dumbass!!!!” I asked, “why am I SUCH a dumbass?” She said, “look at where the sleeves are!” I looked at the sleeves and noticed that they did appear to be in a strange place for a baby outfit. I responded with, “yeah, the sleeves are located in the front of the outfit…so what?” Krystal then yelled at the top of her lungs, “YOU BOUGHT OUR DAUGHTER AN OUTFIT DESIGNED FOR A DOG!!!” I looked at the outfit a little more closely and thought, “ahh shit, she’s right. This outfit would fit a wiener dog perfectly.” Krystal continued to carry on with her laughter for another 5 minutes.

All I could do was sit there and shake my head in embarrassment and rightfully so considering the first outfit I ever purchased for my daughter was a dog outfit. I would assume that my girlfriend isn’t giving birth to a female dog aka bitch.

On the bright side, if we ever buy a wiener dog in the future, it will probably be a Chiefs fan.

I was hesitant while showing Krystal the outfit due to her being such a hardcore Steelers fan. Her look of disgust here is pretty much what I expected.

I was somewhat relieved when she started laughing....until I figured out the reason why she was laughing.

When you come to terms with the fact that you have done something as dumb as buying a dog outfit for your unborn daughter, all you can really do is shake your head and roll your eyes in embarrassment.

When I told Rick "The Mullet Man" Suave about this, even HE thought I was a dumbass. It's pretty bad when Rick "The Mullet Man" Suave thinks you are a dumbass.