My sidebar only shows a limited amount of my past stories. Many of them are just buried. I don’t like that, so here is a list of links to every entry I’ve written and the dates they were written on with the newest entries at the top and the older ones at the bottom. Many of these were posted before anyone even knew the site existed, so check those out if you want…a lot of the older stuff was edgier (but also sloppier) because I was less responsible and generally more careless at the time and didn’t care who knew it.
Phrases I Never Thought I’d Hear Anyone Say (Until I Had Children) Part 1
The Peak of My Dad’s Pop Singing Career
“If this Sign Accurately Depicts Lobsters, then Lobsters are Dumbasses”
“Blinded by the Light. Wake Up Like a Douche, I’m Rolling Over in the Night.” posted on 3/24/2013
“Huggies? Can I Have Huggies Daddy? Please Daddy?” posted on February 2nd, 2013
“Confession of a Toaster Strudel Frosting Klepto” posted on January 27th, 2013.
“What Happened When My Brother Brennan Microwaved His Shoe” posted on October 29, 2012.
“Dancing Phenom, Shea Swaff Dancing to ‘I Put On for My City’ by Young Jeezy” posted on July 25th, 2012.
“My Dad Charged Me $1100 to Shovel His Sidewalk” posted on Febrary 15th, 2012.
“To This Day, I Wonder How Many People Saw My Balls that Night” posted on October 11, 2011
“No Offense, but You’re Good (I’ve Been Feeling Older)” posted on August 22nd, 2011.
“Ridin’ Ghetto Part 3” posted on July 15th, 2011.
“Meet the Hamburglar” posted on July 4th, 2011.
“In the Past 2 Weeks I Have Almost Hit 2 Cows With My Car” posted on June 6th, 2011.
“Grandma and Grandpa Earthquake Buns and Their Grandson, Big Fat Rico” posted on May 30th, 2011.
“Strangely, I Wrote About the Thought of Macho Man Randy Savage Dying Before it Actually Happened” posted on May 23rd, 2011.
“The Justin Bieber “Beliebers” Want to Impale Me” posted on May 19th, 2011.
“America’s Top Nude Sluts” posted on May 11, 2011.
“The Top 10 Strangest Google Searches that Led People to The Chronicles of Rico in April 2011” posted on May 3rd, 2011.
“The Parrot Mom” posted on April 22, 2011.
“Did Cavemen Beat Their Wives?” posted on April 13th, 2011.
“Human Illusions Part 2” posted on March 21st 2011.
“My Name Raymin” posted on March 11, 2011.
“How Do You Lose this Upside Down Ass (_l_) Looking Fat Pouch Located on the Bottom of Your Stomach???” posted on February 23, 2011.
“How Often Do You Clean Your Ears???” posted on February 16, 2011.
Follow Up to My Daughter Hasn’t Arrived Yet, but I am Already World’s Dumbest Dad posted on February 10, 2011.
“I Am Allergic to Cold…No Seriously, I Really Am and Here is Proof” posted on February 4th, 2011.
“The Man With a Booger in His Ear” posted on January 14, 2011.
“Rick, Roxy and Baby Ruby Suave Sending You Holiday Hugs, Kisses and Charlie Horses” posted on December 25th, 2012.
“I Took the World by Storm on December 2nd, 1982” posted on December 2nd, 2010.
“A Thanksgiving Tragedy” posted on November 26, 2010.
“How Swaff Pissed Swaff Off” posted on November 24, 2o10.
“The Status of ‘The Chronicles of Rico’ Now that My Daughter Has Been Born” posted on November 18, 2010.
“God Bless the Day After Devil’s Night 2009” posted on November 1, 2010.
“God Bless the Day After Devil’s Night 2008” posted on October 27, 2010.
“God Bless the Day After Devil’s Night 2007” posted on October 26, 2010.
“Swaff-Style Halloween” posted on October 25, 2010.
“Glenn Humplik from “The Tom Green Show” Would Rather Not Have His Dingleberries Munched” posted on October 21, 2010.
“Put a Paper Bag Over Her Head” posted on October 13, 2010.
“This Dude Told Me He Got “Crabs From a ‘Suck’ Job” posted on September 29, 2010.
“My Daughter Hasn’t Arrived Yet, but I Already Proclaim Myself as the World’s Dumbest Dad” posted on September 19, 2010.
“I Would be the Most Hideous Drag Queen” posted on September 13, 2010.
“A Labor Day Carol” posted on September 7th, 2010.
“Rick “The Mullet Man” Suave’s Brother, Rootbeer” posted on August 31st, 2010.
“Image is Everything to Rick “The Mullet Man” Suave” posted on August 25th, 2010.
“Feed the Horses” posted on August 18th, 2010.
“Phil Garrido’s Mole Family” posted on August 5th, 2010.
“These Jerk-Offs Who Constantly Drive by Swimming Pools” posted on August 2nd, 2010.
“Top 10 Songs that Bring Me Back to the Swimming Pool” posted on July 20th, 2010.
“The Trailer Trash Tranquilizer” posted on July 14th, 2010.
“When the Phantom of the Awkward Struck Wal-Mart” posted on July 9th, 2010.
“I Hate Zits” posted on July 2nd, 2010.
“Null Sehx…..uff eenie-Kindd” posted on June 25th, 2010.
“Male Gynecologists Make Me Feel Awkward Part 2” posted on June 23rd, 2010.
“Male Gynecologists Make Me Feel Awkward” posted on June 16th, 2010.
“Dingleberries Who Fish Off Busy Bridges” posted on June 11, 2010.
“The Bren and the Bees” posted on May 21st, 2010.
“I Ate a Fart” posted on May 19th, 2010.
“Papa Suave’s Reaction to 2 Girls 1 Cup” posted on May 14, 2010.
“Lecturing My Fetus” posted on May 11th, 2010.
“Merry Christmas from Rick and Roxy Suave!!!” posted on December 25th, 2010.
“My Dog Hates Mullets” posted on December 13, 2009.
“Princess Mark Swafford and Little Red Riding Jacinta” posted on December 3rd, 2009.
“Ridin’ Ghetto Part 2” posted on October 8, 2009.
“Coyote Pizza” posted on September 24th, 2009.
“Mr. Hairy Legs” posted on August 28th, 2009.
“INCREDIBLE?!?!?! or HORRIFYING?!?!?!?!” posted on July 24th, 2009.
“Random Thoughts About These Recent Celebrity Deaths” posted on July 15th, 2009.
“A Goose, a Badger and a Pigeon” posted on July 11th, 2009.
“Throwing Hot Buns in Old Ladies’ Faces” posted on July 7th, 2009.
“My Sleep Pissing Career“ written on May 27th, 2009.
“Having to Sneeze While You are Brushing Your Teeth“ written on May 14th, 2009.
“Brennan’s Poopin in Public Blues“ written on June 13th, 2009.
“How Did Cavemen Work Their Swerve?” written on March 25, 2009.
“The Hot Dog McSwafficopter” written on March 18, 2009.
“Human Illusions” written on March 16th, 2009.
“Ridin’ Ghetto” written on March 11, 2009.
“Attack of the Ass Cracks (_l_) ” written on March 6th, 2009.
“How I Accidentally Broke This Chick’s Finger” written on March 3rd, 2009.
“Jeez…Chinese Freaking Horoscopes” written on January 14th, 2009.
“All For an Empty Bottle of Orange Sunkist” written on September 26th, 2008.
“A Day in the Life of the Phantom of the Awkward” written on September 2nd, 2oo8.
“The Phantom of the Awkward” written on October 8th, 2007.
“Rico Swaff’s Super Wildlife Adventures” written on July 31st, 2007
“Hot Babes from Turkey” written in 2007.
“Kama Sutra For the Obese Part 2” written on April 28th, 2008.
“Kama Sutra For the Obese” written on May 27th, 2007.
“Barbara Walters Interviews George W. Bush and Bill Clinton Dubbed With Mike Tyson Quotes” written in 2006.
“My Biggest Fear” written in 2007.
“One of My Babysitters Became a Stripper” written in 2006.
{ 1 comment… read it below or add one }
The title of the articles, themselves are funny, dude. Quite an impressive collection . I’ll be sure to check some of them out.
Well, as long time followers of each other’s blogs and friending you on Fartbook god-only-knows-how-long-ago, I felt it right and fair for you to know that i’M QUITTING pSYCHO cARNIVAL. i WROTE MY LAST POST, YESTERDAY, AFTER giving it some deep thought. Sorry, my damned finger slipped and hit the damn caps key. That what happens when you’re fucked up. Oops.
At least I’m not slipping my finger into Honey Boo Boo’s mom. That would be downright ghastly. Hey Rico, take care now! I wish you and your family well. I’ll see on Facebook!
Kelly recently posted..Musings, Memories and The Final Curtain For Psycho Carnival