If you read my previous entry, you probably noticed that I have been dinking around with Photoshop or a program similar to it. This should have been obvious due to the the pictures of me as a lobster and Terminator and by the pictures of Rick being eaten by a shark.
Truth is, I haven’t been using Photoshop. Photoshop is too expensive. I have been using the “poor man’s” version of Photoshop. It’s called “Gimp.” I refer to it as the “poor man’s version of Photoshop,” because Gimp is free, while Photoshop, to my understanding is expensive, like hundreds of dollars. I don’t think Gimp is quite as good as Photoshop in terms of the quality of the product, but it’s good enough for me considering I have no future intentions of becoming an artist or photographer, which are a couple titles in which I think Photoshop would be suitable for. I’ve heard that you can do quite a few of the same things with Gimp as you can with Photoshop.
I am still, by all means, a total amateur when it comes to using Gimp. Everything I have done so far has been in pretty simplistic, baby-step fashion. I’ll get better though. I installed and started messing around with Gimp around the time I posted the entry, “Blinded By the Light, Wake Up Like a Douche, I’m Rolling Over in the Night.” This was the entry previous to my last one. The date it was posted was, March 24, 2013. So just a little over 2 weeks ago is when I began my adventurous journey with Gimp.
One of the first few pics I made with Gimp and posted on facebook is what prompted me to write this entry. I showed facebook world, how “bad” my dad looked when he was in the peak of his pop singing career. Here’s how and why it happened.
After posting “Blinded By the Light, Wake Up Like a Douche, I’m Rolling Over in the Night,” I looked over the entry myself to quadruple-check for spelling errors and/or typos. I reached the part of the story where I chronicled my memories of my dad singing the song, “bad to the bone” by George Thorogood in his truck when I was younger. I posted this picture of my dad that was taken around the time he began listening to that song, when he was roughly 26-27 years old:
You may recall that directly below that pic, was a pic of Michael Jackson and his “Bad” album cover:
As I sat there in my regular household attire (a t-shirt and boxer-briefs), viewing that post, I had one of these moments:
Uh-oh....Rico has an idea. Look at that enthusiasm!!!
By seeing these two photos next to each other, an outstanding idea was sparked. Instead of describing it, I will attempt to display my thinking process regarding this idea, visually. It went something like this:
This was my dad in the peak of his pop singing career (as so I wrote on the caption when I posted this pic and tagged him with it on facebook). I know it's Michael Jackson's "Bad" album, but for some reason, I keep expecting him to start wailing out tunes that sound like Hall and Oates.
And if your not a fan of the "Jay Leno chin" version, maybe you'll like the, "my forehead is either huge or my jerry curl is receding quite a bit or both" version better. This was the original...the one I posted to facebook. I didn't try changing the pic until tonight...and the result? One where he has a Jay Leno chin and one where he has a huge forehead. Take your pick.
Haha, how about that?! I feel proud to say that I have the most pimp-nasty dad in the world. Obviously, I love ruffling the feathers of my dad, for he has been a pretty good source of material in quite a few of these entries by now. As I mentioned a few weeks ago, it’s all in good fun and I think he knows it. Here is a list of the Papa Swaff entries.
“Blinded by the Light. Wake Up Like a Douche, I’m Rolling Over in the Night.”
“My Dad Charged Me $1100 to Shovel His Sidewalk”
“Feed the Horses”
“These Jerk-Offs Who Constantly Drive by Swimming Pools”
“Papa Suave’s Reaction to 2 Girls 1 Cup”
“Princess Mark Swafford and Little Red Riding Jacinta”
“Rico Swaff’s Super Wildlife Adventures”
“My Biggest Fear”
Haha, even some of the titles of the entries can make you cringe…especially if you imagine yourself being my dad while reading them.
Oh, and remember that picture I posted a little earlier with the light-bulb going off in my head? The one where I look super-enthusiastic. Turns out, I was actually trying to look like I had no enthusiasm. I was trying to look like a dude from a famous painting. I used that photo when I posted Krystal and I’s faces in the famous painting of an old, unenthusiastic farmer holding a pitchfork and standing in front of his house. Standing next to him in the painting is his equally unenthusiastic wife who appears like she may be pissed off or trippin’ about something. As many of you know, the painting is called, “American Gothic.” I’m sure you all know what painting I am talking about. Here is what I came up with for that:
So what’s Rick up to?????
Don't even think about it Rick. You and Michael Jackson are not a good match. You are an insult to Michael Jackson.
If Rick’s head is going to be cropped to replace a celebrity’s face, the celebrity has to be a sack of shit flying out of a truck.
It has to be someone pretty sleazy…
Someone much trashier…
Someone he could bond with due to their similarities…
Someone he could hang out with in a trailer and watch WWE wrasslin’ with….
Someone phony as hell…..
Someone who probably has a chlamydia-infected penis…..
Someone who is a douchebag and appeals to douchebags among the likes of Rick…..
Someone greasy as hell…like if you were to grab this person’s face in squeeze, you’d probably get a hand full of grease….
Kid Rock and Rick….that has to be a match made in heaven.
Kid Rock and Rick The Mullet Man are basically the same person. The names even match well... The guy in the pick is, "Kid Rick." And he's "cocky." I don't know why Rick thinks he has the right to be"cocky" though. Maybe he thinks he has the world's best booger collection and he thinks he is better than everyone because of it. Or maybe "Cocky" is in reference to all the roosters he has stolen from farmers, eaten and wrassled around with. I can imagine Kid Rock puling Rick-like shenanigans. I can see Kid Rock and Kid Rick touring together, becoming friends, attending WWE shows together and even sharing their used toilet paper with one another in a porta-potty at the races..
* NOTE: To all you Kid Rock ball-washers (I know there is an Army of you out there): Don’t become too butt-hurt over me slamming Kid Rock. For the most part, I’m clowning around. Don’t get me wrong, I am by no means, a Kid Rock fan… I personally think he’s corny and gimmicky. However, I don’t hate him….the hate above is exaggerated. In my area, we have a regional carnival type deal with a different band that plays every night. It’s called Steamboat Days and it lasts about 6 days and the headlining bands generally consists of; a couple country music “artists,” a post-grunge band, an 80’s hair-metal band or two, etc. I generally hate the lineup on an annual basis and this year is no different. They did land Kid Rock this year though. I have access to VIP tickets for every night of the week this week and I think the only night I plan on going will be the night Kid Rock plays. To be honest, the only songs by him that I like are “Bawitaba” and “Only God Knows Why.” The rest of his songs make me want to forcibly rip my upper and lower jaws off so I can clench and maneuver them with my hands and manually move my hands up and down to chew my ears so I don’t have to hear his shit. I don’t mind some of his “Devil Without a Cause” stuff, though. It’s aight.