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Random Thoughts About These Recent Celebrity Deaths

Random Thoughts About These Recent Celebrity Deaths
By Rico Swaff

Unless you have been chained to a wall and locked in a dungeon, you have all heard about an accumulation of recent celebrity deaths. Within the past couple weeks, “Star Search” host Ed McMahon, pop-icon Michael Jackson, sex symbol Farrah Fawcett, infomercial salesman Billy Mays, star quarterback Steve Mcnair, and former world champion boxers Alexis Arguello and Arturo Gatti all met their demise. As a result, there has been a media frenzy associated with these deaths, especially in Michael Jackson’s case. Here are a few things that have crossed my mind with the deaths of Michael Jackson, Billy Mays and Farrah Fawcett and no, this is not an attempt at disrespecting the deceased on my part.

I’m sure none of you heard until reading this that Michael Jackson has recently passed away, but he did on June 25th, 2009. I heard this guy on Fox News describing Michael Jackson as USA’s princess Diana. Only in America does the king of pop become a princess. Its kind of a stupid comparison if you ask me. I could go on and on about more things that struck me as strange pertaining to the way the media has been handling his death, but I am sure everyone is sick of hearing about it by now.

The Oxi-Clean loving, infomercial star Billy Mays died of what is presumed to have been a heart attack on June 28th, 2009. One strange thing I noticed after he died is that they continue to air his “you’re an idiot if you don’t buy this shit” infomercials. In fact, I see his infomercials more frequently now than I did before he died. Now I am sure that anyone who watches infomercials regularly and actually considers purchasing some of the strange items being advertised by Billy Mays on television, are well aware by now that the dude is no longer alive. Now, what kind of message does that send? Since his death, whenever I see him making his sales pitch on television I can’t refrain from thinking, “Ok, so if I purchase a bottle of Orange Glo kitchen cleaner, am I going to die of a heart attack?”

Farrah Fawcett died of anal cancer on June 25th, 2009, the same day as Michael Jackson. I was unaware that there even was such a thing as anal cancer until hearing a few months ago that she was diagnosed with it. Anal cancer is a disease that I hope I am never diagnosed with, and I will tell you why. Well, I don’t want to suffer from any disease, but especially not anal cancer. Ya see, right when I heard about her situation, I immediately thought of her bunghole. Because that’s where her cancer is…her bunghole. Every time I walked through the living room and saw my mom watching that reality show that chronicled her struggles with anal cancer, I thought of her bunghole. I really don’t prefer thinking about bungholes. Especially Farrah Fawcett’s bunghole. It used to be that when I heard the name Farrah Fawcett, I would immediately think of the gorgeous babe she was in the 70’s and 80’s era. Now when I hear her name mentioned, the first thing that comes to my mind is how she died from bunghole cancer. Her beauty is now the second thing that crosses my mind when I think of her. Her beautiful existence in my mind is now somewhat plagued by the bunghole cancer that killed her. Don’t get me wrong, the woman was beautiful until the day she died, but damn, what a horrible diagnosis. God please don’t ever give me anal cancer. I don’t want people to associate me with my bunghole every time I cross their minds when I am gone.

Not trying to be mean or disrespectful….I’m just saying…….

That dumbass, Rick "The Mullet Man" Suave took the news of these recent celebrity deaths pretty hard. Not because he cared about the celebrities, but it brought sad memories of Bam Bam Bigelow's death. Here is Rick, crying about the death of one of his fallen heroes...Bam Bam Bigelow.