Barbara Walters Interviews George W. Bush and Bill Clinton Dubbed With Mike Tyson Quotes
By Rico Swafford
Written in 2006
Did something different this time. Haha, worked on this for like 3 hours.
One thing that I have made a semi-hobby as of recently, is going to youtube.com, and watching Mike Tyson interviews. Now I know this dude has made some mistakes and is considered by many as nothing but a barbaric excuse for a man, but I think some of the stuff that pours out of his mouth is funny(although very warped.)
With that said, I hope this idea has not been used before. I started thinking about how funny it would be to look up real interview questions that George W. Bush and Bill Clinton would be asked frequently during their presidencies, and then instead of writing their actual responses, dubbing it in with some of Mike Tyson’s more famous quotes. Here it is……. Imagine Barbara Walters interviewing George W. Bush, and Bush responds with REAL Mike Tyson quotes.
If you want to check out where I got these Mike Tyson quotes, go to…
This is where I found the quotes that I used for this.
NOTE: GEORGE W. BUSH AND BILL CLINTON DID NOT ACTUALLY SAY THESE THINGS!!!!!!!THEIR RESPONSES ARE MIKE TYSON QUOTES!!!!
Barbara Walters: Well hello President Bush. How are you feeling this fine evening?
George W. Bush: I want to throw down your kid and stomp on his testicles, and then you will know what it is like to experience waking up everyday as me. And only then will you feel my pain.
Barbara Walters: So you have had better days then I take it, correct Mr. President?
George W. Bush: At times, I come across as crude or crass, that irritates you when I come across like a Neanderthal or a babbling idiot at times. But I like to be that person. I like to show you all that person because that’s who you come to see.
Barbara Walters: To say these statements you are making are unjust, is a huge understatement. Is there something wrong with your mental health?
George W. Bush: I don’t know if I’m mentally sick, but I have… episodes sometimes. I’m a depressant kind of dude. I have episodes, and I’m human. But no one cares about my health as a human because sometimes I’m in my episodes when I’m at work.
Barbara Walters: Have you seeked treatment for these episodes you have been experiencing?
George W. Bush: I’m on the Zoloft to keep from killing y’all.
Barbara Walters: Fair enough. So first off….the oil prices. Why are they so high?
George W. Bush: No one gives a fuck about me. No one cares if my children starve, if they’re on welfare. I have to support my children. I need more money.
Barbara Walters: But you are not on welfare, you are the president of the United States. Moving along……there has been rumors of possible conflict with North Korean dictatorial leader Kim Jong Il. What started these conflicts? Was it something he said?
George W. Bush: He called me a rapist and a recluse. I’m not a recluse.
Barbara Walters: But you are a rapist? Is this correct?
George W. Bush: I’m not Mother Teresa. But I’m also not Charles Manson!
Barbara Walters: Those are some very historical figures you mentioned there, historical in drastically different ways. Which historical figure do you look up to the most?
George W. Bush: I really dig Hannibal. Hannibal had real guts. He rode elephants into Cartilage.
Barbara Walters: I think you meant “Carthage.” Anyways, what do you feel about the recent possible nuclear threats from certain countries.
George W. Bush: How dare these people challenge me with their primitive skills? It makes me angry. They’re just as good as dead.
Barbara Walters: So what is your objective in this situation?
George W. Bush: My main objective is to be professional but to kill them.
Barbara Walters: You want to kill them? Isn’t that a little bit politically incorrect?
George W. Bush: I just want to conquer people and their souls.
Barbara Walters: And if you lose the war on terror, what are your plans?
George W. Bush: I guess I am just going to fade into Bolivian.
Barbara Walters: Have you been experiencing any fear of the possibilities of what is to come as a result of these global conflicts?
George W. Bush: All praise is to Allah, I’ll fight any man, any animal, if Jesus were here I’d fight him too.
Barbara Walters: So no fear?
George W. Bush: Fear is your best friend or your worst enemy. It’s like fire. If you can control it, it can cook for you; it can heat your house. If you can’t control it, it will burn everything around you and destroy you. If you can control your fear, it makes you more alert, like a deer coming across the lawn.
Barbara Walters: You don’t have any slight concerns or fears of a potential World War 3?
George W. Bush: I just want them to keep bringing guys on and I’m going to strip them of their health. I bring pain, a lot of pain.
Barbara Walters: So we are running out of time. Before we part, is there anything you would like to say to Kim Jong Il?
George W. Bush: I’m coming for you man. My style is impetuous. My defense is impregnable, and I’m just ferocious. I want your heart. I want to eat his children. Praise be to Allah!
Barbara Walters: Well Mr. President, we have reached a conclusion. Thank you for your time.
George W. Bush: Yeah fuck off you white hypocrite!
I also dubbed some Mike Tyson quotes into a potential Bill Clinton interview. Mike Tyson has been known to talk about his thoughts on women publicly. I thought it would be funny to put some of Mike Tyson’s quotes pertaining to women in place of some of the responses that Bill Clinton would give while being questioned about Monica Lewinsky. Imagine…..Barbara Walters is asking Bill Clinton questions about the Monica Lewinsky scandal, and he is responding with Mike Tyson quotes.
Barbara Walters: Well hello, Mr. Clinton. Thank you for taking the time to speak with us today.
Bill Clinton: You’re sweet. I’m going to make sure you kiss me good with those big lips. I’m gonna make you my girlfriend.
Barbara Walters: Mr. Clinton, this is supposed to be a professional interview.
Bill Clinton: I normally don’t do interviews with women unless I fornicate with them. So you shouldn’t talk anymore… Unless you want to, you know….
Barbara Walters: Well Mr. Clinton, your sexual impulses like the ones you are showing right now are the actual reason for this interview. Some believe you have mistreated your wife. Do you believe you have mistreated your wife?
Bill Clinton: Anyone with a grain of sense would know that if I punched my wife I would rip her head off. It’s all lies. I have never laid a finger on her.
Barbara Walters: Mr. Clinton, that is not what I am referring to. I am referring to you admitting your affair with Monica Lewinsky. Do you have any comment on that?
Bill Clinton: I’m just like you. I enjoy the forbidden fruits in life, too. I think it’s un-American not to go out with a woman, not to be with a beautiful woman, not to get my dick sucked … It’s just what I said before, everybody in this country is a big f**king liar. [The media] tells people … that this person did this and this person did that and then we find out that were just human and we find out that Michael Jordan cheats on his wife just like everybody else and that we all cheat on our f**king wife in one way or another either emotionally, physically or sexually or one way
Barbara Walters: But you are in an extreme seniority position, where it is extremely important to maintain respectable behavior. Do you feel any remorse for what you have done?
Bill Clinton: I may like to fornicate more than other people — it’s just who I am. I sacrifice so much of my life, can I at least get laid? I mean, I been robbed of my most of my money, can I at least get my dick sucked without the people wanting to harass me and wanting to throw me in jail?
Barbara Walters: Ok, I am offended right now. I am ending this interview.
Bill Clinton: Fuck off whiteboy!!! You white pussy!!!