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Hot Babes From Turkey

Hot Babes From Turkey
By Rico Swafford
Written in 2007

So my friend was recently telling me about how he met a couple of hot babes from Turkey at the bars in Iowa City and took them back to the place he was staying at with hopes of tagging both of these hot babes from Turkey, only to find out that these hot babes from Turkey were actually very prude hot babes from Turkey and they wouldn’t have a threesome with him. They told him that all hot babes from Turkey are very prude, especially the hot babes from Turkey that live in these hot babes from Turkey’s town, because the town that these hot babes from Turkey were from is very small, so word of Turkey people being slutty evidently travels rather fast in their Turkey town, so these hot babes from Turkey had an unslutty mindset even while these hot babes from Turkey were living in Iowa City because no babes want to be considered “slutty,” especially these hot babes from Turkey. My friend ended up just making out with only one of the hot babes from Turkey. Now the thing that surprises me about this story about the hot babes from Turkey is not the fact that these hot babes from Turkey were prude, but the fact that hot babes from Turkey actually exist. In other words, I never knew there actually were hot babes from Turkey. When I think about the babes in Turkey, I think of not very hot babes that look like turkeys, and when they talk it sounds like they are saying, “gobble gobble gobble,” like a turkey. That’s always what I thought of when I thought of the babe supply in Turkey. I told my friend Jamie Wendt this story and she told me that she always thought of the babes from Turkey as being dark, smelly and hairy.

Some turkeys.

So I just got back from Hardees, and I was real frustrated when I was ordering because I couldn’t figure out if the Hardees person who was waiting on me was male or female. This person was getting frustrated with me too because they would have to ask me every question twice. This person had to ask me every question twice because I was so distracted by the thought of how I literally couldn’t figure out if this person was a male or female. The person had black hair, darker complexion, a girly voice, but a very thick mustache. The combination of the mustache and the feminine voice was what made me the most confused. I don’t know how to explain the way this person looked. Put it this way, if it was a male I would guess that is name would be “Pepe” or “Ralph.” If it was a female, their name would probably be……….well it would probably still be “Ralph.” I came to the conclusion that it was actually a lady, because behind me in line there was this 70+ year old dude who was flirting with this he-she who took my order with sweet pick-up lines such as “I love it when you make me those chili-fries darlin,” and “you know I like that jalapeno burger, its hot like you.” So I came to the conclusion that this person was a woman with a pretty sweet mustache. An even sweeter mustache than the one I can grow……and TRUST ME, I can grow a pretty sweet mustache if I want to. I have one of those sweet mustaches that are split in the middle. Yeah thats right, Sancho style baby!!! But that’s besides the point….the overall point of this story is what came to me while I was eating my food. It hit me like a ton of fuckin bricks……maybe the Jamie Wendt theory on babes from Turkey was right. Maybe this person who waited on me at Hardees was an ugly, dark, smelly and hairy babe from Turkey like the ones Jamie Wendt thinks of when she thinks of babes from Turkey.

This was the look on my face when my friend told me the story about his night with the hot babes from Turkey.


This is how that poopmuffin Rick "The Mullet Man Suave" looks at someone when he can't tell if they are male or female.