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My Dog Loves the Smell of Her Own Ass (_l_)

My Dog Loves the Smell of Her Own Ass
By Rico Swafford
Written on 1/31/2009

My dog loves to smell her own ass. Seriously. Here is the proof.

1.) She literally farts all the time. So often to where you start wondering if she is breathing from her ass or from her mouth. Due to the constant digested dog food smell that is noticeable almost 75 percent of the time that you are within 20 feet of her, you would swear that she breathes from her ass. (_l_)

2.) After she farts, she immediately sniffs her own ass. Tonight, I was home alone and reading. Tori, my dog (named after Tori Amos, my favorite female singer) was sitting on the couch next to me. She farted about 7 or 8 times in the hour that I was sitting in the living room reading. Usually when dogs fart, they are the S.B.D. type farts. SBD stands for “silent but deadly.” Not Tori. Her farts are L.O.U.D. which stands for Loud, Obnoxious, Unwanted and Deadly. After she farted, it would only take her a millisecond to put her nose to her ass to sniff every vapor of it. It was so fast that her head moving to her ass looked like a flash. You hear of these cowboys having the fastest hands in the west. Well, I am here to tell you that Tori has the fastest nose in the Midwest. It is almost as if she is panicking. As if she is like, “oh shit, I farted, I better move my nose to my ass as soon as I can so I don’t miss out on my sweet aroma.” This happens while I am sitting next to her scowling and shaking my head in utter disgust. If dogs understood human distaste for farts that are not their own, then I would swear she would be the most inconsiderate bitch ever.

3.) When someone else in the room farts, she immediately sniffs her own ass. If my family and I are in the living room watching television, it is a possibility that one of us may fart. Actually I should say one of THEM may fart, because I never fart. After someone farts, Tori immediately smells her ass. In fact, she does this even when you make a fart noise with your mouth. This tells me two things. It tells me that she has made the connection between fart noises and the smelly shit vapors that frequently exit her ass. It also tells me that she loves the smell of her own ass, because why else would she seem so desperate to reach her nose to her asshole as fast and as frequently possible. Heaven forbid she miss out on a hint of her own ass-aroma.

This is a picture of Tori and I, taken about 6 months ago. This picture was taken literally 5 seconds after she farted. Notice the look of frustration on her face? Well, she is frustrated because she farted, but is not in the proper position where she can put her nose on her ass to sniff it. My expression is probably pretty obvious. I don't like the smell of my dog's ass.

That sick fuck Rick "The Mullet Man" Suave loves the smell of his dog's farts.

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