404 Male Gynecologists Make Me Feel Uncomfortable | The Chronicles of Rico
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Male Gynecologists Make Me Feel Awkward

So my girlfriend, Krystal is about 20 weeks pregnant now. This will be my first child and it is fair to say that this hasn’t been the most smooth pregnancy so far. Krystal has been to the hospital at an average of at least once per week (maybe more) since we found out she was pregnant. This has been due to a variety of pregnancy complications and issues.

One thing I have noticed throughout this process is the substantial amount and large variety of nurses and doctors she has seen when she has visited the hospital. It seems like she has been going through an assembly line of nurses and doctors. There is only one doctor/nurse who I remember seeing more than once.

I have been in attendance at most of the appointments. From what Krystal has reported to me about the appointments I was unable to attend, everything has gone well in terms of collaboration with the hospital staff. Every one of the hospital employees have been professional, reassuring, caring and respectful. There was one time when I was there where Krystal had to get her vagina examined. I didn’t feel the slightest bit awkward when this particular FEMALE nurse put some hospital utensil inside Krystal’s vagina and performed a trans-vaginal ultrasound. I just kind of sat there and watched the screen in a state of bewilderment as I witnessed my little swimmer’s heart beating.

However, with her most recent trip to the hospital, I did feel a little strange after she explained to me what the appointment consisted of. It was the first time throughout the pregnancy that she has visited a male Gynecologist. And during the visit, this man performed a procedure on here that seems eerily similar to what I’ve always known as “finger-banging.” I left the conversation, thinking, “great, this vagina expert dude finger-banged my girlfriend. That’s just WONDERFUL.” <—–(sarcasm)

jealous of male gynecologist

This is me in the waiting room for one of Krystal's appointments.


So is it weird to feel jealous or uncomfortable knowing that a male Gynecologist has conducted his fingerbang-esque procedures on your girlfriend’s vagina? I know it probably sounds ridiculous to many of you and I realize that these people are licensed professionals and probably see thousands of vaginas throughout their lives, but I have never heard of them being neutered prior to becoming licensed Gynecologists. And most of them seem straight, judging by the fact that they generally have a wife and children. So when a straight male Gynecologist becomes a licensed practitioner specializing in vaginal health, does he suddenly lose his attraction to women? I mean, I personally have never met an abundance of males who had a fascination with fallopian tubes, uteruses and cervixes…..who weren’t total perverts. Is a large percentage of male gynecologists gay? That doesn’t seem to be the case, but I figured I’d ask.

I have always wondered at what point in a male Gynecologist’s life he came to the realization of, “ya know what? I want to work with vaginas and get paid well for it!!!”

It doesn’t help matters that my girlfriend is a very attractive woman. Don’t get me wrong, I love my girlfriend as a person and am proud that my silly ass was able to win the heart of a woman as beautiful as her. However, her gorgeous physical appearance increases my paranoia with these male Gynecologists…basically I just assume that these dudes may like examining her and at the minimum, prefer fiddling around with her vagina compared to the average client they are used to working with (in the waiting room at these gyno appointments, I have seen some doozies).

hot pregnant chick krystal

Krystal is one hot pregnant chick.

When I ran my feelings of discomfort by my mother, a longtime nurse, she explained to me how she has seen a ton of men’s packages while working and that she has been in the presence of many male doctors who had to do their thing with vaginas and that the duties have always been done in a professional manner. She also reminded me of how weird she thinks I am for even letting it get to me. I reminded my mother about the stereotypes and generalizations associated with the differences between men and women, primarily that men are more perverted than women. I believe this stereotype to be true for the most part. Every time I’ve heard someone mention that book, “Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus” I have thought to myself, “more like ‘Women are from Mars, Men are from Penis.'”

So when I posted this topic as a status on facebook, my friend Matt commented with, “so here’s my perspective. The male Gynos see some good, but I’m sure they see some really bad too. Think about it. Where do you go when you are sick? The doctor. So guess where ladies go when they are “sick” in a certain spot? These people are really pretty brave in my eyes. I also suspect that if these guys are pervs and doing it for the scenery, seeing so much of it would ruin the pleasure … They will see so much to the point where they ruined a good thing after seeing too much of it. Kinda like a baker probably hates bread after eating his 1200th loaf of bread. Just the way I see it.”

My response to that was, “You have a good point there. Maybe when they see Krystal, it’s one of those things where they breathe a sigh of relief and think to themselves, oh good, I probably won’t find their lost television remote control in this one.” Which brings me to my next question? I wonder what is the most unique object a doctor has found in a vagina? Probably a duck-billed platypus or something. I assume, being a Gynecologist can be very interesting at times.

Have you ever wondered what Gynecologists think when they see their patients out in the community? I wonder if a Gynecologist has ever encountered a woman who they recognized as one of their former patients who had a notably “messy” vagina, in the grocery store purchasing a package of shredded Mexican or cheddar cheese and when they notice this they thought to themselves, “well it makes sense that this lady is buying Mexican cheese, because during her check-up she did have a little extra cheese on the taco.”

What if a Gynecologist encountered a former patient at Walgreens who was hairier than average in her pubic region and she was looking at razors and/or trimmers? When they saw this patient, they probably thought to themselves, “well I’m delighted to see that woman is taking action to trim down the Amazon Jungle she has in her pants.” I wonder if a Gynecologist has ever had a patient who accidentally farted in their face? What if the Gynecologist saw that same lady a few days later at a store purchasing a bottle of Beano? If I were the Gyno, I would probably be pissed. I would probably think to myself, “ya know what biatch? That Beano you are purchasing would have definitely come in handy before you came to your appointment with me and farted in my face, which presumably resulting in tiny brown poopy vapor-splatters coating my face, which is why I spent 10 minutes rubbing my face in the bathroom.”

I don’t think it’s irrational to think about these sorts of things. It’s not like Gynecologists lose 100% of their memory in terms of what happened at work, the moment they leave the office.

Since our (Krystal’s) pregnancy is only at the half-way mark right now, I should probably accept the fact that is inevitable that Krystal’s vagina will be explored by a male Gynecologist again in the future. Chances are, I will probably be present for a couple of these examinations. I should probably let go of some of these feelings of jealousy or skepticism of these people’s thought processes or it will just drive me nuts. The majority of male Gynecologist are presumably well-intended individuals. However, I still think if straight male Gynecologists are not perverted, then they have a strange passion and fascination for the female anatomy that I simply can’t relate to and/or make sense of.

mullet gynecologist

This was that cock-nugget, Rick "The Mullet Man" Suave's reaction when he found out he was unaccepted to Gynecology school. Oh Rick, you have to have more than a 2nd grade education to be accepted into Gynecology school.

mullet wife beating man

After Rick threw a fit about this for 3 hours, his wife, Roxy was finally fed up and screamed, "God dammit Rick, would you shut the fuck up!!!! I'm trying to calculate how much money we have left on our food stamp card!!!!!!"

stethoscope on woman's butt

Rick has performed all gynecology duties for all 9 of their kids including the one she is pregnant with now. Not sure if he performs the duties correctly though.