404 Rick “The Mullet Man” Suave’s Brother, Rootbeer | The Chronicles of Rico
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Rick “The Mullet Man” Suave’s Brother, Rootbeer

A few weeks ago my brother, Justin and I took some pictures of us goofing around with the mullet.  I didn’t have any intentions of creating a blog out of these pictures, but as I looked at them some more, I tried coming up with something.  Here is the story that evolved from the pictures taken that night. 

Some of you may not know this, but Rick "The Mullet Man" Suave has a younger brother named Rootbeer. Rootbeer was named after their parents' favorite beverage.

Rick and Rootbeer have always had a pretty tense relationship. Rootbeer is the black sheep of the family. Rick's parents love the fact that Rick has goals of becoming a WWE champion someday. They are also proud of him because he brings home a steady income from beating up neighborhood kids and stealing their money. Rootbeer does not have any goals and usually walks around in his underwear because he doesn't have a job and can't afford clothes. When he visits Rick, he purposely shows up in the middle of the night because he knows Rick sleeps naked so it's a perfect opportunity to steal his clothes.

When Rick woke up the next morning and discovered that Rootbeer had stopped by, he immediately ran outside and punched out the first person he saw and stole their clothes. He then came back inside and grabbed Rootbeer and threatened to beat his ass for putting on his clothes. Rootbeer has suffered many beatdowns for this, but never learns his lesson.

After a few minutes, Rick finally calmed down and sat down with Rootbeer in an attempt to have a friendly chat with him. After all they hadn't seen each other in weeks. Their conversation went well until they got on the topic of "best beer." Rick thinks Hamm's beer is hands down the best kind of beer. Rootbeer disagreed with Rick. He thinks Pabst Blue Ribbon is the best kind of beer.

Rick became angry after Rootbeer said that Pabst Blue Ribbon is the best kind of beer. Rick is a Hamm's beer fanatic and punched Rootbeer in the face. His goal was to "fix" Rootbeer's taste buds.

After Rick knocked some sense into Rootbeer, they sat down and started discussing their favorite WWE wrestlers and NASCAR drivers. They even discussed the possibility of going out that night and watching the local races from outside of the gates. Rick explained to Rootbeer that there is a certain spot outside the gates where they could stand and see almost half of the track. They also planned on walking into the grandstands after the races finished, and drinking whatever leftover beer they could find underneath the bleachers.

And then Rick's wife, Roxy came into the room and was like, "oh hi Rootbeer!!! Damn you look good in them cut-off jean shorts!!!"

Rootbeer's eyes shifted to Roxy's boobs approximately 3 seconds after she entered the room.

Rick caught Rootbeer trying to look down Roxy's shirt and he instantly became pissed off and punched him in the stomach. Rick has shared Roxy with other guys in the past, usually in exchange for some pork and beans, but he sure as shit wasn't going to share her with Rootbeer. Especially after she had commented on how good Rootbeer looked in HIS cut-off jean shorts.

 

A few minutes later, Rootbeer totally crossed the line. Rootbeer started scratching his own butt with Rick's beloved butt-scratcher. This butt-scratcher is very important to Rick. It is a family heirloom passed down to him from his Grandpa "Crewcut" Carl. Rick was uncontrollable at this point.

Rick put Rootbeer in his finishing move, the "trailer trash tranquilizer." Rootbeer was knocked unconscious for 12 days.

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