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A Labor Day Carol

And you thought “A Christmas Carol” by Charles Dickens was a touching story?  Wait until you read the story about what the Labor Day “Scrooge,” Rick “The Mullet Man” Suave endures in order to make ends meet for his family on Labor Day.

To start off, I want to clarify that this post was not written with intentions of poking fun at children with muscular dystrophy or Jerry Lewis for that matter. I have sympathy for any child who suffers from this disease. This post was written with intentions of further exposing the idiocy of the character, Rick "The Mullet Man" Suave. I know how serious certain people are about this sort of thing, so I just wanted to make my intentions clear. So chill out before you heat up.

Rick "The Mullet Man" Suave hates Labor Day. Labor Day always sends Rick's family into a financial crisis. Ya see, kids don't go to school on Labor Day, therefore there aren't any kids walking past the abandoned shed he often resides in. As mentioned many times before, beating up little kids on their way to school and stealing their lunch money is Rick's primary source of income. Rick's family lives like the Cratchit family from "A Christmas Carol" on Labor Day.

All day, Rick will peer outside of the shed, but unfortunately there are never any children to beat up.

Rick spends a lot of time scratching his butt on Labor Dat due to being so bored. Butt-scratching is one of Rick's favorite activities. In fact, Rick "The Mullet Man" Suave is the Albert Pujols of butt-scratching.

Then he thought of the bright idea of engaging in two of his favorite activities at the same time.....scratching his butt and window-peeking inside his neighbor's trailer with hopes of seeing some boobies.

Rick looked behind to make sure that his wife, Roxy wasn't around to catch him.

When Rick peered into his neighbor's trailer, he was dissapointed to see that noone was home. However, they did leave the television on. The program on the television astounded Rick.

It was the annual Jerry Lewis Telethon where he raises money to aid children with Muscular Dystrophy. By the time Rick had set his eyes on the television, Jerry Lewis had already raised millions of dollars for these children.

This was awesome news to Rick. By watching the telethon, he was under the assumption that children who are muscular and have at one time won a trophy, were receiving millions of dollars from people who donated money to them. He thought to himself, "hell if I beat up one of these kids, I'll have enough money to build my own wrasslin ring!!!"

He then remembered a couple of neighborhood kids who walked by with a football trophy one day. He knew exactly where they lived because he followed them for 5 miles to their trailer and window-peeked on their mom while she was taking a shower. If these kids won a football trophy, chances are they were pretty muscular because football players are generally known to have pretty big muscles.

These kids may be muscular, but they don't have near the muscle mass that Rick "The Mullet Man" Suave has.

Rick was a man on a mission. He immediately sprinted down the road on his way to the trailer these kids reside in

On the way to the trailer, he became sidetracked by a cat. Rick loves kitty-cats. He picked the cat up and scratched it's belly for a while.

Then he put the cat down and started sprinting towards the trailer again. These kids were going to receive excruciating beatdowns.

He barged into their trailer and laid the smack down on both of the kids.

After Rick beat the kids down to the ground, he scoured the entire trailer for money. He ended up finding a quarter. This was a huge score for Rick and his family. To Rick there is no difference between millions of dollars and 25 cents. Money is money to Rick "The Mullet Man" Suave. Labor Day is now one of his favorite holidays. He ran off to find more muscular kids who have won a trophy. Rick really is an intelligent piece of work.