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Having to Sneeze While You are Brushing Your Teeth

Having to Sneeze While You are Brushing Your Teeth
By Rico Swafford
Written on 5/14/2009

You know what’s a real wonderful feeling? When you are brushing your teeth and have to sneeze.

I am in a routine of waking up for work, taking a shower, getting dressed and going downstairs to brush my teeth and check the net while I am brushing my teeth. This really hasn’t been a good idea, because I have a tendency to sneeze more than usual after waking up. I can’t tell you how many times I have been brushing my teeth while sitting on my computer chair, then all the sudden I have to sneeze.

When this happens, I sneeze all over the trash can in our computer room. Its kind of gross, but it’s the only escape from the situation. Normally when you just sneeze, you have a couple seconds to prepare to turn your head and cover your nose or mouth or whatever and just let a sneeze loose. When you are brushing your teeth and have to sneeze, a couple seconds is not enough time for you to frantically decide what to do.

When you feel the sneeze coming, you start panicking a bit. Its like, “oh shit! I have to sneeze, what do I do with this freaking toothbrush!? I better take it out of my mouth quick.. What do I do with this freaking toothpaste gunk in my mouth?!?! Oh shit! Where is a trashcan? Oh shit its coming, ACHOO!” And toothpaste-spit flies all over the place. I hate it.

It is similar to urgently having to find something to puke in when you are feeling sick. Only difference is when you are feeling like you need to throw up, you usually have more than a couple seconds for the warning.

Today was one of the worst cases of having to sneeze while I was brushing my teeth. I was in the computer room surfing the net while brushing my teeth. Someone came in the computer room and starting talking to me. We ended up getting into a full fledged conversation, and then all the sudden I felt a sneeze coming. I started panicking, and was thinking to myself, “oh shit! I need to sneeze, but I also don’t want to be rude and just cop out of the conversation. Well I think they will understand. Oh shit its coming, where’s the trash can?!?! ACHOO!”

I was literally a millisecond away from sneezing toothpaste-spit all over this person’s face. Man how awkward would that be? Speaking with someone, and then out of nowhere sneezing toothpaste gunk all over their face. How would you try to smooth that one over?  I would probably just be like, “umm I am sorry that I spewed all that white stuff all over your face.”

I am thankful that I have amazing reflexes and cat-like reactions when I am under pressure, or else I may not have been able to escape from that situation. I am such a stud.

If I was to sneeze in a girl’s face while I was brushing my teeth, it would bring back memories of getting head in the past and blowing my load all over the chick’s faces. I have mixed feelings about doing this. Its nice receiving head, but it sucks being told that you can’t blow your load in the chick’s mouth. No, my liquid little people (semen) doesn’t look bubbly and runny like toothepaste spit. The only similarity is the color, but the comparison is still pretty legit.

Knowing how sick that bastard Rick "The Mullet Man" Suave is, it looks like he just finished goin down on a man in an alley for a 12 pack of Hamm's. In reality though, the dumbass just sneezed while brushing his few remaining teeth.