*** SO, WHO THE HELL IS RICK “THE MULLET MAN” DICKULOUS?!?
When someone stumbles upon this site for the first time, one of the first things they will notice is a trashy looking mullet man. Hell, the guy is in my header image. In short, the guy’s name is Rick “The Mullet Man” Dickulous, formerly (Rick “The Mullet Man” SUAVE) and his role is being my blog’s “mascot.” I incorporate him into every single post and I attempt for him to represent “the epitome of idiocy.”
I began inserting him into every post in an attempt to increase viewership from people who have a crude sense of humor, yet do not like to read. There are 3 types of people who like to read my blog: 1.) People who generally like reading the stories, but don’t care for the mullet man, 2.) People who don’t like or don’t have the patience to read, but love funny/absurd/crude pictures and 3.) People who like both. With the mullet man combined with the stories, it allows my entries to appeal to a wider audience, IMO. My only concern is that the people who generally like my stories are so repulsed by the mullet man that they decide to avoid my site and refuse to read my future entries. If that’s the case, so be it.
Knowing the above information, people are still confused as to what the hell he is doing here. One of the most common questions I receive from people who stumble upon this blog for the first time and don’t know me personally is, “so are you the mullet man? If so, how did you grow your hair like that and are you making fun of yourself on purpose?” These questions are funny to me…that people think that I literally am this toothless, jorts-sportin,’ moronic mullet man in real life. The answer to that question is, “yes, I am the mullet man. However, I have to dress in some get-up in order to look like that. And the mullet man’s misadventures, exploits, etc. are 100% fictional and intended to portray a person who is as idiotic as imaginable.”
*** WITHOUT the get-up, I look like this pic below:
I hear I appear pissed off all the time, as I do in this photo…in which I’m not actually pissed off all the time…my face just sets that way while resting.
*** WITH the “Rick ‘The Mullet Man’ Suave” get-up, I look like this pic below:
So where did I get the idea for this guy? To make one thing clear, I did not get the idea from fellow online mullet man, Rick The Mullet Man Soundboard that you hear in those prank calls. I hadn’t heard of that “Rick The Mullet Man” Soundboard before creating Rick “The Mullet Man” Dickulous. I think Soundboard is awesome/hilarious and all, but it’s just pure coincidence that I created a mullet man with a name as eerily similar as him. I named him, Rick “The Mullet Man” Suave, as a variation of my url/online name, which is Rico Swaff, which also happens to be a variation of my real name. My real name is Joshua Swafford. However, when that song, “Rico Suave,” by Gerardo became famous, I quickly developed the nickname, “Rico,” from my classmates, for my last name sounds similar to “Suave.” Obviously “Rico Swaff” is a combination of the two names. So after creating the mullet man, I wanted to provide the character with a name that is similar to Rico Swaff, but more “mullet-friendly.” The name, “Rick,” is a name that I, for some reason, associate with a man who would have a mullet. Rick The Mullet Man Soundboard evidently had the same line of thinking as me with this. It also sounds similar to “Rico,” which works. “The Mullet Man” portion of his name is obvious and self-explanatory. “Suave” is the last name I provided for him when I first began inserting him into posts. There aren’t exactly a lot of mullet men with the last name “Suave,” but I wanted the guy with a similar sounding, but different last name than my own…that was the only name I could think of. I changed his last name to “Dickulous” because for one, it sounds funnier, and secondly, Rick’s exploits epitomize ridiculous…as do some of my narratives. Rick “The Mullet Man” Dickulous is more fitting…has a better ring to it.
Now that I think of it…is “Soundboard the last name of the mullet prank call character or do the prank callers use a soundboard to perform the prank calls? Hmm… All I know is that when I google, “Rick the Mullet Man,” the word, “Soundboard” always follows it, along with that character.
How did the mullet guy evolve to what it is now? There have been a few experiences and/or developmental steps in terms of Rick being what he is now. I will walk you through it via pictures.
*** With the Christmas card, we also included an “update of our family” letter written from the point of view of Rick. Here is what was written in the letter:
“Howdy y’all!!!! Rick and Roxy Suave here, wanting to wish ya’ll a merry Christmas and update ya’ll on what’s been going on with our lives!!! It is hard to believe that Christmas is just right around the corner again, and this year’s Christmas will be more eventful than ever! First off, I (Rick) have been slowly, but surely moving up in the world. Recently, I have accomplished one of my many lifelong dreams. I am now living in my own camper!!! We are blessed! My whole life I have wanted my own camper and now I finally have one! It seems like just yesterday when I was living in some old man’s outhouse. In fact, just 2 years ago, I was living in an abandoned horse trailer! My new goal now may seem like an unrealistic goal, but if my WWE wrasslin’ career takes off, I should be able to git r’ done… Some day I plan on buying my own double-wide trailer! I know what your all thinking. Your thinking, “No way! No way in hell will Rick and Roxy Suave own their own double-wide trailer!” Well let me tell you something. My wrasslin’ career has made great strides these past few months, and I expect things to keep improving. I am now working full time on my wrasslin’ career. I am still wrasslin’ under the name, “Rick the Mullet Man Suave.” Every day I wake up and wait for school to begin so I can wrassle elementary students down for their lunch money. I am making roughly $40 a week wrasslin’ little kids, and I expect this to increase by twice as much if I make it big time in the WWE. Wrasslin’ the kids is good practice and my skills are becoming more and more tarnished every day!!!
Now, although things have for the most part been going well for me and Roxy, we still have our share of woes. First off, many of you may have read in the newspaper about my recent run-in with the law. For those of you who don’t know what I am talking about, I will inform you. A couple weeks ago I was arrested for serious assault. This sounds bad, but trust me, when I tell you the circumstances, you will know that my actions were completely justifiable. So I was at a kegger at a trailer down the street from mine, and some lowlife insulted my mustache. I have never felt so insulted in my entire life. I know for a fact that I have a sexy mustache. In fact, the ladies tell me I have the sexiest mustache since Clark Gable in “Gone With the Wind.” You can insult me, you can insult my wife, you can insult my kids and you can even insult my hero Stone Cold Steve Austin. Just please don’t ever insult my mustache, or else your face will be going on a romantic date with my phalanges. In other words, your gonna get the smack down. I’ll put you in my signature move, “The Trailer Trash Tranquilizer.” Another woe for our family is Christmas in general. Santa Claus isn’t very generous to the Suave family. Seriously, I have prayed to Santa Claus every day since I was 4 years old, asking him to bring me presents, and the only thing that has ever been left under my Christmas tree are a couple of turds left by my kids because our toilet is plugged and it is way too cold outside to walk over to a neighbor’s trailer to use their toilet. It is ridiculous. I guess I’ll just keep praying to that fat bastard Santa Claus, and maybe one of these Christmas mornings I will wake up to the wonderful site of powdered milk and a package of leopard skin colored bikini underwear underneath the tree.
I guess I should update ya’ll on how my wife, Roxy, is doing. Right now, Roxy is trying very hard to get on Medicaid so she can afford some dental work. She is down to four teeth now. Ya see, this is due to a large number of sugar packets she has consumed over the years. Right now she is recovering from a serious addiction to these sugar packets. It was getting so bad that she was banned from every Perkins, Village Inn, Country Inn, etc. within a 200 mile radius from where we live. I don’t even notice her teeth. She is still the same ol’ foxy Roxy to me, but she insists that she needs dentures. She feels embarrassed by her missing teeth, not to mention she loves to eat oyster crackers. Trust me, Roxy would do anything to be able to munch on oyster crackers again. My teeth are doing good. I still have 12 of them left, including 3 molars!!!
Roxy and I now have 12 kids, with one on the way. Times are tough though and it has become costly and time consuming. Ya see, Roxy and I only have 1 pair of nipples apiece, and that’s only enough to feed 6 or 7 kids. We keep having to buy more and more groceries every week, which limits the funding for my wrasslin’ career. We were offered to trade one of our kids for a box of Kelloggs Frosted Mini-Wheats. It was tempting, because it has always been one of my dreams to eat a Kellogs brand of cereal, but we didn’t do it. We had a scare a couple weeks ago. We accidentally forgot our youngest boy at the Laundromat and didn‘t notice he was missing until we did a head-count before bedtime. I am forgetful sometimes. I would forget my head if it wasn’t stuck up my ass all the time.
I would write more, but this library I am at charges 10 cents per sheet of paper, and I only have $2.67 to my name right now. We hope ya’ll have a Merry Christmas!!!
Hugs, kisses and charlie-horses to all ya’ll,
Rick and Roxy Suave.”
*** With this letter, Rick now had a life long goal, that has remained prevalent since. This goal is to become a professional WWE wrestler. He also acquired an occupation, which is beating little kids up for their lunch money, which was productive in terms of providing money for the family AND assisting him with improving his wrestling skills. It was also made apparent that the guy had residential issues… Rick has lived in a camper, lived in a trailer, lived in a shed, been homeless, lived in a dumpster, etc. It was at this point also where their lack of proper oral hygiene was emphasized.
*** The Christmas cards were reported to us, by 90% of the people who received them as being a hit. People thought they were hilarious and to this day, people ask if I plan on creating and sending new ones out. With the positive reactions we generally received from people, I decided that I could utilize this mullet man, Rick Suave, a little more. It was at this point where I decided to make him the mascot of my blog and insert him into every one of my posts and somehow “tie” him into the story. Some posts ended up being nothing, but a sequential group of pictures, chronicling a “Rick” story.
*** Since the formation of Rick, there have been other characters who have been created and given the role of Rick’s family members. Some of these characters include:
*** WITH THAT SAID:
*** FUTURE OUTLOOK FOR RICK:
A MONSTER HAS BEEN CREATED. LONG LIVE MR. RICK DICKULOUS!!!!