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The Full Archive on 1 Page

My sidebar only shows a limited amount of my past stories. Many of them are just buried. I don’t like that, so here is a list of links to every entry I’ve written and the dates they were written on with the newest entries at the top and the older ones at the bottom. Many of these were posted before anyone even knew the site existed, so check those out if you want…a lot of the older stuff was edgier (but also sloppier) because I was less responsible and generally more careless at the time and didn’t care who knew it.


Another Rick Meme was Brought to My Attention. This Time it was Created by itsajeepmeme on Instagram posted on June 2nd, 2015

The Phantom of the Awkward Part 6: When the Phantom Sleep-Walked and Passed Out in a Hotel Hallway posted on March 23, 2015

For a Few Months, I Was Known Around Town as “The Guy With a Dog on His Roof” posted on January 13th, 2015

Create a Funny Mullet Man Meme and I Will Post it and Give You Credit posted on December 30th, 2014

In 1986, My Family Posed for what Turned Out to be One of the Most Awkward Family Photos Ever posted on March 27, 2014

Fat Swafftard posted on January 17th, 2014

Male Gynecologists Make Me Feel Awkward Part 3 posted on December 21, 2013

Why Thanksgiving is Awful for the Mullet Man posted on November 30, 2013

My Wife Has No Idea What’s Going On posted on November 26, 2013

50 Nifty Puns About the Dung from Snarflebunz!!!! posted on October 21st, 2013

Meet the Kitten Who Pooped and Peed on My Crotch, Snarflebunz posted on October 20, 2013

Phrases I Never Thought I’d Hear Anyone Say (Until I Had Children) Part 2 posted on October 14, 2013

Congrats to New SNL Cast Member, Brooks Wheelan posted on October 7, 2013.

Thank You Google for Sending the World’s Biggest Mouth Breathers to My Site (Strangest Real Google Searches that Led People to My Site in September 2013) posted on September 22, 2013.

The Chronicles of Rico 100th Post Celebration Extravaganza!!! GET SOME!!!  posted on August 27, 2013.

Proof that Leaving the Toilet Lid Down is MUCH Worse than Leaving the Toilet Seat Up posted on August 11, 2013.

Papa Swaff (My Dad) = The Swaffinator with an Amazing Chin-butt posted on July 29th, 2013

The Phantom of the Awkward Part 6: “Dude, I Thought You Died?!?”

The Phantom of the Awkward Part 5: “The Morning Mr. Studly’s Package was Visible to Everyone Without Knowing”

The Phantom of the Awkward Part 4: I Accidentally Told this Woman She Had a “Funny” Looking Kid

The Phantom of the Awkward Part 3: I Accidentally Honked My Car Horn at a Funeral Line for at Least a Minute Straight

The Phantom of the Awkward Part 2: A Painfully Awkward Interaction with a Gas Station Clerk, Brought on by My Own Social Incompetence


“Donkey Kong is Way Cooler than King Kong”


“A Group of Fun-Lovin’ Porn Stars, Excited While Riding the X-Scream”


“Yardwork Husband, Yearning and Emotional Wife (A New Romance Novel by Top-Selling Author, Krystal Kay Swafford”


Phrases I Never Thought I’d Hear Anyone Say (Until I Had Children) Part 1


The Peak of My Dad’s Pop Singing Career


If this Sign Accurately Depicts Lobsters, then Lobsters are Dumbasses


Blinded by the Light. Wake Up Like a Douche, I’m Rolling Over in the Night.” posted on 3/24/2013


“Huggies? Can I Have Huggies Daddy? Please Daddy?” posted on February 2nd, 2013

“Confession of a Toaster Strudel Frosting Klepto” posted on January 27th, 2013.

What Happened When My Brother Brennan Microwaved His Shoe” posted on October 29, 2012.

Dancing Phenom, Shea Swaff Dancing to ‘I Put On for My City’ by Young Jeezy” posted on July 25th, 2012.

“My Dad Charged Me $1100 to Shovel His Sidewalk” posted on Febrary 15th, 2012.

To This Day, I Wonder How Many People Saw My Balls that Night” posted on October 11, 2011

No Offense, but You’re Good (I’ve Been Feeling Older)” posted on August 22nd, 2011.

Ridin’ Ghetto Part 3” posted on July 15th, 2011.

Meet the Hamburglar” posted on July 4th, 2011.

In the Past 2 Weeks I Have Almost Hit 2 Cows With My Car” posted on June 6th, 2011.

Grandma and Grandpa Earthquake Buns and Their Grandson, Big Fat Rico” posted on May 30th, 2011.

Strangely, I Wrote About the Thought of Macho Man Randy Savage Dying Before it Actually Happened” posted on May 23rd, 2011.

The Justin Bieber “Beliebers” Want to Impale Me” posted on May 19th, 2011.

America’s Top Nude Sluts” posted on May 11, 2011.

The Top 10 Strangest Google Searches that Led People to The Chronicles of Rico in April 2011” posted on May 3rd, 2011.

The Parrot Mom” posted on April 22, 2011.

Did Cavemen Beat Their Wives?” posted on April 13th, 2011.

Human Illusions Part 2” posted on March 21st 2011.

My Name Raymin” posted on March 11, 2011.

How Do You Lose this Upside Down Ass (_l_) Looking Fat Pouch Located on the Bottom of Your Stomach???” posted on February 23, 2011.

How Often Do You Clean Your Ears???” posted on February 16, 2011.

Follow Up to My Daughter Hasn’t Arrived Yet, but I am Already World’s Dumbest Dad posted on February 10, 2011.

I Am Allergic to Cold…No Seriously, I Really Am and Here is Proof” posted on February 4th, 2011.

The Man With a Booger in His Ear” posted on January 14, 2011.

Rick, Roxy and Baby Ruby Suave Sending You Holiday Hugs, Kisses and Charlie Horses” posted on December 25th, 2012.

“I Took the World by Storm on December 2nd, 1982” posted on December 2nd, 2010.

How Swaff Pissed Poff Off” posted on November 24, 2o10.

The Status of ‘The Chronicles of Rico’ Now that My Daughter Has Been Born” posted on November 18, 2010.

God Bless the Day After Devil’s Night 2009” posted on November 1, 2010.

God Bless the Day After Devil’s Night 2008” posted on October 27, 2010.

God Bless the Day After Devil’s Night 2007” posted on October 26, 2010.

Swaff-Style Halloween” posted on October 25, 2010.

“Glenn Humplik from “The Tom Green Show” Would Rather Not Have His Dingleberries Munched” posted on October 21, 2010.

Put a Paper Bag Over Her Head” posted on October 13, 2010.

This Dude Told Me He Got “Crabs From a ‘Suck’ Job” posted on September 29, 2010.

My Daughter Hasn’t Arrived Yet, but I Already Proclaim Myself as the World’s Dumbest Dad” posted on September 19, 2010.

I Would be the Most Hideous Drag Queen” posted on September 13, 2010.

A Labor Day Carol” posted on September 7th, 2010.

Rick “The Mullet Man” Suave’s Brother, Rootbeer” posted on August 31st, 2010.

Image is Everything to Rick “The Mullet Man” Suave” posted on August 25th, 2010.

Feed the Horses” posted on August 18th, 2010.

Phil Garrido’s Mole Family” posted on August 5th, 2010.

These Jerk-Offs Who Constantly Drive by Swimming Pools” posted on August 2nd, 2010.

Top 10 Songs that Bring Me Back to the Swimming Pool” posted on July 20th, 2010.

The Trailer Trash Tranquilizer” posted on July 14th, 2010.

When the Phantom of the Awkward Struck Wal-Mart” posted on July 9th, 2010.

I Hate Zits” posted on July 2nd, 2010.

Null Sehx…..uff eenie-Kindd” posted on June 25th, 2010.

Male Gynecologists Make Me Feel Awkward Part 2” posted on June 23rd, 2010.

Male Gynecologists Make Me Feel Awkward” posted on June 16th, 2010.

Dingleberries Who Fish Off Busy Bridges” posted on June 11, 2010.

The Bren and the Bees” posted on May 21st, 2010.

I Ate a Fart” posted on May 19th, 2010.

Papa Suave’s Reaction to 2 Girls 1 Cup” posted on May 14, 2010.

Lecturing My Fetus” posted on May 11th, 2010.

Merry Christmas from Rick and Roxy Suave!!!” posted on December 25th, 2010.

My Dog Hates Mullets” posted on December 13, 2009.

Princess Mark Swafford and Little Red Riding Jacinta” posted on December 3rd, 2009.

Ridin’ Ghetto Part 2” posted on October 8, 2009.

Coyote Pizza” posted on September 24th, 2009.

Mr. Hairy Legs” posted on August 28th, 2009.

INCREDIBLE?!?!?! or HORRIFYING?!?!?!?!” posted on July 24th, 2009.

Random Thoughts About These Recent Celebrity Deaths” posted on July 15th, 2009.

A Goose, a Badger and a Pigeon” posted on July 11th, 2009.

My Sleep Pissing Career” written on May 27th, 2009.

Having to Sneeze While You are Brushing Your Teeth” written on May 14th, 2009.

Brennan’s Poopin in Public Blues” written on June 13th, 2009.

How Did Cavemen Work Their Swerve?” written on March 25, 2009.

The Hot Dog McSwafficopter” written on March 18, 2009.

Human Illusions” written on March 16th, 2009.

Ridin’ Ghetto” written on March 11, 2009.

Attack of the Ass Cracks (_l_) ” written on March 6th, 2009.

How I Accidentally Broke This Chick’s Finger” written on March 3rd, 2009.

“Jeez…Chinese Freaking Horoscopes” written on January 14th, 2009.

All For an Empty Bottle of Orange Sunkist” written on September 26th, 2008.

“Rico Swaff’s Super Wildlife Adventures” written on July 31st, 2007

Hot Babes from Turkey” written in 2007.

Kama Sutra For the Obese Part 2” written on April 28th, 2008.

Kama Sutra For the Obese” written on May 27th, 2007.

Barbara Walters Interviews George W. Bush and Bill Clinton Dubbed With Mike Tyson Quotes” written in 2006.

My Biggest Fear” written in 2007.

One of My Babysitters Became a Stripper” written in 2006.